Being the second choice:
Hi friends!
I have some news from my personal life to share. So this Sunday I was supposed to go to the mall with my friend. But in the morning she texted me that the hangout could only be for an hour because she had to go to a movie afterward. And that kind of made me feel a bit sucky because I had been looking forward to seeing her since I didn't get to hang out with her that much this summer. I had been asking her when she was free and if she could hang out but she has really strict parents so she isn't allowed to go out much. And 2 things to note about her is 1.She was my only friend in middle school and 2.She's been really passive aggressive to me lately. I don't know if I'm just crazy but I feel like sometimes she acts like she doesn't like me or doesn't want to be around me. Something that really made me feel especially sucky was seeing on her story that she was hanging out with one of her other friends on Saturday when I had been asking to make plans. She's been acting distant and a bit weird to me ever since she started to make other friends as well. And not to mention the fact that I'm always the one to try to make plans first. And always the one to text first or call first. Honestly I feel like it just gets tiring after some point. I decided not to call or text one of my friends for a whole year(It was because of something that happened I promise I'm not evil) and guess what. No response from her either.
I feel like with the hangout on Sunday, if you knew you could only hangout for like an hour, and it's the mall mind you so time is gonna go by even quicker, then why the heck even ask to hang out? It really made me feel like even more than a second option than I already am. I know I'm probably over reacting to this and over thinking but I'm literally so tired of this. And on top of that my parents got mad at me after for even going to the mall with her. I won't get deep into that but yeah, I've been feeling super down in the dumps after that. And also I don't know if it's just me but it can take the smallest thing ever(like my situation right now) to fully make me stop talking to everyone and shut myself down.
Sometimes it gets so frustrating always feeling like a second option because I look back at every interaction and think what did I do to make this person just not like me? Obviously I have my flaws just like everyone else but that shouldn't make me to be someone that gets pushed aside all the time.
Sidenote I'm so sorry for ranting on here I just wanted to share my situation so I can know If I'm over reacting. Additionally should I bring this up with her? She's genuinely one of the nicest people I know so like I could be over looking this and reading it all wrong.
-E.K xx
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Hey girl! Firstly, I want to say I'm sorry if this advice isn't helpful, but I really feel for your situation because one of my best friends is going through something similar right now and she's been feeling really down about it. I'll tell you what I told her and maybe it will be similarly helpful? The most obvious thing is that friendships shouldn't ever feel one-sided because that gets super exhausting super quick. Obviously I don't know your exact situation but I would say to talk to her about this if you haven't already because it's really unfair for you always be the one trying to make plans. I hate having 'serious' conversations with friends because I often worry it will make things awkward in the future, but I've come to learn that it's always better to mention how you're feeling, even if it's 'jokingly' so that things don't blow up in your face later and there's no fight. Real friends are always willing to put in effort. I've known my best friend my entire life basically and we've stayed close friends despite being hours away from each other because we still text, send each other videos that remind us of the other and try to see each other at least a couple times a year, even before either of us learned to drive. You're 100% valid to be overthinking this relationship if it doesn't feel like the other party is putting in any effort. The other thing I told my friend was that she shouldn't be scared of friendship breakups. To be fair her situation has been going on a while and I don't know your whole situation to judge it like that but if you've talked to your friend and no changes have been made then my advice is to drop your effort levels. You really learn how much someone cares when you stop being the one to always text first and wait to see when they'll make the first move. Sorry if my advice just sounds like 'talk it out or drop her' but you really can't force someone to put in effort, the ball is in your friends court. My friend has been holding onto her friendship for so long because she doesn't have a lot of friends where she lives and she doesn't want to feel lonely but I'm so serious when I say that it feels so much better to do things you enjoy on your own than to constantly be in exhausting situations just so you don't have to be alone. I was without friends for a long time in high school because of my lack of interest in talking to people (sorry if that sounds crazy lol) but it caused me to find a lot of fun solo hobbies. I promise awful friends are never more fun than doing things you enjoy on your own. Okay, I'm not the best at advice, but I hope some of that was helpful? I know sometimes a post is just a rant, but I wanted to make sure someone replied lol. If we're close in age maybe we can be friends! Have a wonderful day, and feel free to reply if this was helpful at all, I'll turn notifications on.
ReplyDeleteHii queen! This comment was super helpful thank you so much! I still have a lot of nerves of asking her about it but I'll try
DeleteHola!! Entiendo tu situación y he pasado por cosas similares, podría aconsejarte que sí no te sientes bien ahora para hablar con ella, mejor no lo hagas.. todos pasamos por muchas etapas y también es bueno darse un tiempo a solas. También creo que es lindo cuando las amistades tienen crisis y se transforman (no sé si es tu caso) pero si no lo es, también es bueno. Es mejor no tener personas que ya no vibran contigo!!? Exitos!!!
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